However, acquiring the medication has been a complete fail so far. I am supposed to be getting my third injection tonight, but because of errors between the drug-sending people (don't judge my lack of sophisticated language) and the rheumatology clinic, it is not yet on its way. Everything in the healthcare world seems to take a very long time and the bureaucracy is causing me, or at least forcing me to endure, physical pain. Disappointingly, there really is not anything I can do at the moment. I am patiently awaiting the next dose, but I am frustrated that I am missing a dose tonight, and that I have no idea when I will receive the medication. My body screws up enough on its own, and I really do not need my medical team, including the drug company, screwing up as well. Plus it would be nice to feel like they care about me and want to reduce my pain and disease activity. I know they are just a company, but if you ask me even companies could and should show some compassion.
|Me pretending like I know what I'm doing|
But when I attempted to inject myself last week, I ended up just staring at the needle, which I was holding a couple of inches away from my thigh, for twenty minutes before giving in and asking my mother to do it. I was not sure how hard or fast to stick the needle in, and there was a lot of pressure, given that Orencia is a $24,000 a year medication and we only had a single dose in the house. There really was not any room to mess up, and I depend heavily on a margin of error.
|An over-hydrated orange that I injected|
I really do not mind needles or shots very much. Once or twice a week, I receive a shot in each of my arms at my allergist's clinic. Blood draws do not freak me out. I barely flinch when I receive my vaccines. It is barely painful, and the pain I am already feeling masks the needle for the most part. But for some reason, the thought of getting a shot in my own house is deeply disturbing to me. My home seems like the only place that is free of all of the medicine and procedures and poking. I need it to be a sanctuary, and I wish it could stay that way. Getting shots in my house makes me feel like there is no separation between my life at hospitals and doctor's offices and my personal life, and that is not a feeling I enjoy. Before my first methotrexate injection, my mom and I agreed that we would never bring needles/shots into my room. My room is and always has been a needle-free zone. In college next year, I will probably do my shots in the bathroom or in the hallway rather than in my room. I think it is okay, and possibly even healthy, to keep a safe space, and I intend on doing so. As for oranges? I'll stab them anywhere.